Lost
by xMadeline11x
Summary: Without him, I feel like I'm wandering through an empty field alone. I'm lost. And there's no one to help me. Implied Niley. One-shot.


It was 3am. I hadn't slept at all. I just sat in a chair staring out the window. The pitter patter noise the rain made was hypnotizing. After a while my brain turned into a giant movie screen. All the memories of him and me played out right before me. I saw myself staring at him on the day we met. I saw us walking, holding hands. I saw us kissing for the first time. I saw us writing together. I saw us playing music together. I saw us chasing each other in my backyard. I saw us laying in the grass, staring at the stars.

I must've fallen asleep, because I woke up when the alarm woke me at 7am. I reluctantly turned it off. Sleeping in a chair isn't very comfortable. My neck was real stiff and sore. I walked over to my mirror, cringing at the reflection. My hair was frizzy and stuck out everywhere and my eyes were puffy and red. I heated up the curling iron and spent over an hour trying to get my curls to lay just right. Once I was done I smiled in the mirror. My hair looked nice. I used one of those highlighting kits from the drugstore to highlight it the night before. He always liked my hair highlighted. Today was about him after all.

I was at a loss of ideas of how to do my makeup. I didn't want to overdo it. I tried to use a bunch of coverup under my eyes but it didn't do anything. They were still red and puffy from lack of sleep, and from crying so much. I gave up on that and put on a dot of light eye shadow and a smudge of black eyeliner. It didn't look very good but at this point I didn't really care.

I stared at the inside of my closet for a while. I guess I should've planned what to wear in advance, but I didn't. I spent too long just looking. I ended putting on a white blouse with a black sweater over top and a black ruffled skirt.

I moved in slow motion as I went downstairs. I sat at the kitchen counter, staring into space. At around 10:30 I heard a car pull in the driveway. I sighed as I got up, slid on my favorite strappy black heels and left. It was his brother picking me up. I sat in the backseat, without saying word. One of my best friends, who also happens to be his brother's girlfriend, was also sitting in the back seat. I could see her eyes were red too. She leaned over and squeezed my hand. I gave her a faint smile.

The entire car ride felt long, and it was sad. Not one of us said anything. I stared out the window, not really seeing much of anything. My thoughts were in a whole other world that day.

Once we got to the church I put on a pair of sunglasses. I knew there would be a lot of people around, and I didn't want them to see my puffy eyes. After I stepped out of the car I grabbed my best friend's arm. I felt so dizzy and lightheaded, I was worried I would fall over otherwise. We walked into the church and I could feel everyone staring at us. I took off my sunglasses and looked straight down the floor. Left foot, then right foot. Left right. Left right. Somehow I made it to the front of the church.

I looked at the coffin there. I looked inside. He looked so perfect. Tears ran down my cheeks as I ran my fingers through his hair. It would be the last time I'd ever do it. I brushed my hand against his cold face and tried to smile. I couldn't do it. I walked to my pew crying.

After the service and the burial I went home. I cried myself to sleep that night. All I could think about was how he'd never hold me ever again. I'd never be in his arms. He'd never just hold me, and cry with me, and make me feel better. I was alone. Just how I'd be forever and always.

That night I had a dream. I was lost. Wandering, not going anywhere. I felt nothing. Every time I felt like giving up, just stopping, he'd show up. He'd be so close I could almost touch him. No matter how loud I called he never heard me. He just looked and smiled. I couldn't help but smile back. He looked so peaceful, and happy.

I woke up completely in tears. I sat and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. It was then that I realized that my dream was a sign. I was going to be miserable the rest of my life. Lost, alone without him. But I would keep going. I would keep going because I didn't really have any other option. The only thing that would keep me hanging on was knowing that he was happy. It wasn't much, but it was enough to keep pulling through.

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**Sorry for all the like depressing one-shots. I'm actually posting another one tomorrow and it's actually happy! So yay!**

**I'm sorry if this is weird or if there's mistakes or something. I wrote it on a six hour car ride.**

**Anyway, I hope you like it! Reviews are always nice :) Thanks for the reviews on the other one-shot I posted the other day. **


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